INTRODUCTION

Growing up as a Chinese adoptee in America, forming and expressing my identity, whether it be through my appearance, language, mannerisms, culture, and family, has always been a struggle. Questions such as, “What do I do when no one in my family looks like me?,” “Do I call myself Chinese or American? Neither? Both?,” and “How do I define the word ‘family’ in a way that actually reflects my own feelings and experiences?" are constantly present in all aspects of my daily life. From the moment I was old enough to understand what adoption was, I’ve embarked on the journey towards reconciling my current identity with my past experiences, privilege, and oppression in hopes of and finding some answers to these questions.

In fact, this is a journey that nearly every Chinese adoptee will embark on; it is a journey that is ongoing and without a clear end. I've focused this project on the Chinese adoptee, for our struggles with racial, cultural, and linguistic identities are heightened by the fact that we are products of transnational adoption, living in transnational families. Not only that, we are products of the One Child Policy, which had great effects on a developing 'global nationalism' and 'multiculturalism' of the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s, making the Chinese adoptee distinct from other cases of adoption. Moreover, our opportunities to interact with other Chinese adoptees and other Chinese people, as well finding the resources to learn about our culture and history, are very limited, if not non-existent. Hence, this project focuses on telling the story of the Chinese adoptee experience in the form of a digital ethnography , as I believe this is the most authentic way to present the complexities and nuances within the community.

Digital ethnography, being a branch of anthropolygy, studies peoples, cultures, and societies, taking the the subject's personal experiences, feelings, opinions, and memories as the main source of research, as opposed to more "official" sources of research such as legal documents, history books, and government data. My research draws mainly from online interviews of 14 adoptees, many whom I've been in contact with since childhood, and many whom I have recently gotten to know during my time at NYU Shanghai. I call this ethnography 'digital' not only because research was conducted strictly online, but also because it takes advantage of web development and interactive art and its capabilities of personal storytelling. This ethnography consists of four parts, each dealing with different aspects of the Chinese adoptee experience: the finding story, family ideals, cultural identity, and the notion of the body . Parts 2-4 are each accompanied by a piece of interactive art using p5.js, a Javascript creative coding library, that deepends the research beyond just text on a page.

Finally, this website aims to create a safe space for members of our community, to learn, to connect with, and to reflect upon other's experiences, as well as our own. It is also a space in which individuals outside of the community are able to learn more about the complex Chinese adoptee identity in a way that forces them to step outisdie their own positionality and immerse themselves into a new perspective. My wish is that all adoptees, after looking at this website, might have some sense of direction in becoming their true authentic selves.