As an adoptee, claiming labels and definitions when it comes to talking about
cultural identity is especially difficult...
others make assumptions from what they think they know about adoption
and expect the adoptee to reflect their idea of culture simply based on the way they look,
how you dress, and how you act, all of which are things out of their control...
Being asked “what are you” is never a fun experience. “What” is a relative
pronoun that refers to an inanimate object, not a person. Yes, we are adoptees,
but we are people too. The responses the adoptee have for questions like this
vary depending on their own comfort level, how the question is delivered, etc...
the adoptee's own process of figuring out how they want to identify and how they deal with
others interfering with this process takes time; it doesn’t happen over night.
it can take years to to understand such nuanced experiences. still,
this process is ongoing.
nevertheless, the emotional and psychological effect of navigating culture
as an adoptee can feel incredibly alienating at times, no matter how many
positive or negative experiences one may have. the adoptee identity is not
only uncommon, but so complex and diverse to even other adoptees. Given this,
finding a true sense of belonging sometimes feels impossible. Feeling alone,
out of place, an “Other,” feeling like you are stuck between two worlds,
being pushed away and pulled by either sides, are all common emotions the
adoptee might experience. For many, they are emotions that are simply apart
of the adoptee package, inevitable, unavoidable, and inescapable...
"My understanding of culture is shaped by being Asian American,
queer, and a Chinese adoptee that grew up in the white suburbs. I feel very
partial in these communities. My experience is unlike most others. I didn’t
grow up in a Chinese household, but I am also not a white person.
As I have left my hometown, I have done a lot for myself to experience
Chineseness apart from my white hometown and family. It is very rare to
find other people that share these intersectional identities. Finding
people that share even a part of these experiences is incredibly meaningful."
" most strongly identify with Asian American culture and bits of
Chinese culture. Generally, I feel like Asian American culture is most relatable
or identifiable for me because there’s so many other Asian Americans and adoptees
have shared experiences within the culture. In my experience, I think being an
adoptee adds more complexity when it comes to certain cultural identifications,
though I don’t think it makes it too difficult to identify within a culture."
"I identify with American culture. Which, to be fair, is also a broad term.
I grew up in New England, so maybe I would say that I identify with more of a New England
culture. It was what I lived and breathed and was surrounded by. I learned it both in school
and from the people around me. It felt normal to me, and everything else felt ‘other.’"
"I identify with Chinese culture, which is a really broad category.
Because I chose a broad category, it doesn’t make it difficult to identify within it."
"There is no defined group that I'd say would adequately
define my culture except for what I make of it myself. This is probably different
than those in my community but if it were broken down, similar in that we can relate,
assimilate, and believe things that we consume and are inspired/surrounded by."
"culture to me is different from my hometown community
because their culture is just American but because of the adoptee's complicated
beginnings, culture means much more."
"I think being an adoptee has at times
definitely made it hard feeling close to Asian or Chinese-American culture
because I didn’t grow up in Asian environments."
"I identify more with American culture,
but I think that is because I am a
foreigner living in China. If I was back home in Charlotte, NC, I may feel
excluded from the culture at times."
I think of “culture” as the set of norms
for any given group of people. I feel like I
identify more with American culture, but my family also has its own unique
culture just like NYU Shanghai or my soccer team does. I’m not sure if I can
speak on how others feel about culture in my community--I think it’s pretty
personal.
"I have been called not Chinese enough several times,
often by those who I am closest to who are also Asian. I think this type of gatekeeping
is really dangerous, because it furthers the idea of purifying culture and the people
of that culture. Chinese people come from so many different backgrounds and stories
that it's hard to say that someone's "not Chinese enough" to partake in part of their
own culture. It makes me feel sad that I'm being blamed for something that was not
in my control and the matter is treated with such levity. When people call me "white-washed,"
it translates to me as living up to some standard of whiteness and for which I should be
ashamed. I wish if people were going to use this term, they could say it more specifically
to express what they mean because this term "white-washed" has become a buzzword for
someone not fitting their racial or ethnic stereotypes, which is inherently harmful."
"Much of my attitude is that yeah I probably am “white-washed”, but I have the power to
change my Chinese enough-ness. It can be a frustrating feeling, but meeting other adoptees
has been surprisingly empowering."
"I remember not really comprehending what being asian meant until
I experienced some microaggressions and racism in middle school. Suddenly, all of my
peers had figured out that they could weaponize their whiteness against me when I did
better on a test or to laugh at me when I was placed in the lower leveled math class."
"I’ve been outcasted from groups because I’m “not Asian/Chinese enough” and it
sucks because what gives one person the right to define what is Asian or not Asian.
It also sucks because a lot of people casually throw it at someone as a joke,
but to me and probably other adoptees, it’s not a joke because people have
maliciously used it. "
"I think people calling adoptees or other Asian Americans in general “white-washed”
or “too Chinese” or “not Chinese enough” also shows how the idea of being Chinese
differs for so many people. I’ve been called white-washed plenty of times and my
response is usually along the lines of “Well, yeah. My whole family is white,
it’s kind of unavoidable."
"- I was called a common white girl once. And I was proud of it. I think for
so much of my life and even now, if I’m being honest, I’ve simply wanted to
fit in with the other girls. Who were predominantly white in the social circles
and school district that I grew up in. I’ve never been called 'too Chinese,'
but I’ve definitely been called ‘not Chinese enough’."
"I kind of avoid saying that I’m adopted.
I know that it’s an interesting part about myself, but I
don’t like to stand out that much."
"As a college student, being asked where you are from typically refers
to your hometown not where you were born, so I typically respond with “Tualatin”
or “Portland”. Labels I use include Chinese, Asian etc. I’m currently taking
an anthropology class, so I feel like my understanding of culture may come
from a more academic standpoint in that I’m able to view culture as an
intersectionality of multiple different aspects of life."
"If pushed, then, yes, I’m Chinese-American. But I tend to only identify
myself as American because it feels right. I’m Chinese, but I don’t own that identity. "
" it feels weird to say Chinese-American since I’m technically 100% chinese...yet
I grew up in the US. Part of me feels like I should be more connected with my
Chinese side but nothing about my family is Chinese. It’s hard because I see
myself as white or your typical American yet I’m Asian."
"For the first time, someone asked me if I was an ABC. For simplicity, I just said
yes. These questions of where are you from can feel very different depending on
who is asking. Usually, I say I am just from California and that I am Chinese. It
took me a long time to even say I am Chinese! I can say I am Chinese, but I know
this label means something very different to many of the Chinese Americans that I
grew up with."
"I say, “fuck off”. Just kidding--kind of. I mean first of all those words are i
ncredibly othering; it's a form of microaggression. I think it's funny because
looking back, I realize my answer changes based on who is asking me and where I am.
If a white person asks me in America, I’ll mess with them and say I’m American
(because that answer is not wrong), and basically say anything that doesn’t give
them the answer I want to hear. In China, it depends on the situation. Sometimes
I say I’m chinese, sometimes I say I’m American born chinese, sometimes I say
I’m Chinese but raised in America (kind of hinting that I’m adopted without saying it),
or sometimes I’ll just tell them I’m adopted."
"Because of the pandemic and college, I have been “stuck”
in Shanghai, China for over a year now. As much as my family and I both miss each other,
I always find it painfully difficult to admit to them that my time spent here is
actually acting as a recuperation period for my traumatic experiences of being an
adoptee. Being in my birthplace has and continues to heal my mind and my soul,
on a level that is unexplainable to my parents. If I explain this to them I often
worry that they will see it as me choosing one country over another, one culture
over another, etc. "
"I remember one year, my mom printed off coloring sheets and ordered Chinese food
for my kindergarten class on Chinese New Year Day. At the time, I didn’t really
understand he significance and I was just happy about being the most popular kid in class
that day. But looking back now, I see the intention and the heart behind it,
but I also see the wrongness of it. She wanted to do something to celebrate
one part of my identity, but it felt like a showy and inauthentic way to do so. "
"Culture to me means my Chinese heritage, and whatever knowledge I had of it at the time.
As I grew and had more Chinese friends I began to understand and celebrate more.
My understanding was smaller than others in my community but I tried my best growing
up and still educating myself to fully embrace my own culture."
"It has been interesting conversing with others who have somewhat dual cultural identities
and hearing how they understand themselves. I know it doesn’t have to be one or
the other – American or Chinese. But I think that, growing up, it very much
felt that way. To the point where I ignored and tried to erase my Chinese
identity in an effort to be as American as I could be. And I don’t know if
I have (or want) access to that Chinese identity anymore."
"I now consider myself an Asian American. It took me a while to feel comfortable
calling myself Asian because my whole upbringing was around the white suburbs.
I think I have evolved my identity as an individual away from that environment.
Being an Asian adoptee has just added an additional lens that I apply to myself
when in other cultures such as a queer person, a sort of expat, and an American.
I try to live with the nuance of it?"
"I say, “fuck off”. Just kidding--kind of. I mean first of all those words are i
ncredibly othering; it's a form of microaggression. I think it's funny because
looking back, I realize my answer changes based on who is asking me and where I am.
If a white person asks me in America, I’ll mess with them and say I’m American
(because that answer is not wrong), and basically say anything that doesn’t give
them the answer I want to hear. In China, it depends on the situation. Sometimes
I say I’m chinese, sometimes I say I’m American born chinese, sometimes I say
I’m Chinese but raised in America (kind of hinting that I’m adopted without saying it),
or sometimes I’ll just tell them I’m adopted."
